on becoming outgoing

Posted by resonanteye on 09/18/2013

the ghost writerI used to be really, really shy.

I went through years of just never talking to anyone, just going home after work. Reading. Spending time alone or with one or two friends. Then I went through a long, angry phase of hating people who were social. That lasted a while.

At some point, BAM! I was no longer so shy.

As soon as I didn’t care what anyone thought, things got a lot easier. If someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t really matter. I mean of course there are people that I’d like to have like me- I still don’t feel all the way happy in a crowd- but now, it’s discomfort, a bit of anxiety, whereas before it was crippling and it kept me alone most of the time.

Of course some people don’t like me much, now that I am a loudmouth. But then again…some people wouldn’t have liked me no matter what I did.

I still spend a lot of time alone but now it’s that I choose to, not that I must. I’ve become a little more accepting of people’s weirdness, that people don’t feel sure of themselves and will do bizarre and confusing shit to try to feel better. Humanity. The unwashed masses. The people I tend to spend time with are good people. I don’t try to meet strangers, just more people who know the people I know, and that makes it easier too.

The turning point for me came when I had been tattooing for a few years. I realized, after talking to a lot of my clients, that everybody is awkward and afraid. Some of my clients are gorgeous, talented, incredibly successful people- and here they were, nervous, scared that people wouldn’t like them…it made me start thinking that even though I may be afraid sometimes to look foolish, other people are too. This was a huge leap for me- until then I’d always thought I was alone in my worries and that I was somehow deficient.

I still don’t have great social skills, but now I’m not so concerned with other people’s opinions. It’s easy online of course, to just talk to people. But in real life it can be rough. Knowing that the other people around also want to look good and be liked helps a lot. Sometimes I think I must seem really confident from the outside, but I’m pretty shy and I often clam up or act strange just because I get nervous.

Just a personal note, thought maybe this would help somebody.

new things are here……go buy some,

 

 

 

originally published feb,2009.

8 Responses to “on becoming outgoing”

  1. motoinked said

    This is awesome. It’s exactly how I feel. I’m naturally an introvert, but I force myself to be good with people and it takes a lot of out of me. These days, I’m home so much, that’s I actually have to force myself to go out. It’s a learned skill, like learning a language. If you don’t use it, you lose it. But the benefits are worth it. :) Great post!

    Like

  2. Cory said

    if only it were that easy…

    Like

    • it’s not this easy if you have true, chemically-imbalanced anxiety, but once your brain chemistry is balanced, it really takes a push. being shy is something everyone goes through at some point. well- the best people go through it, at least.

      Like

  3. Janna said

    This made my soul smile.

    Like

  4. The best thing anyone ever told me at the height of my anxiety was “High school will end pretty soon and then everything will be fine.”

    It was not soon enough, and not everything was fine, but the shit I was so scared about was definitely over with. Any situation that makes you nervous, well it will end soon and then you can move onto something else- no bad social situation is ever permanent.

    Glad you guys liked the post.

    Like

  5. Schtuff said

    Yeah. Pretty much the same here. Thanks. :)

    Like

  6. Guy said

    I really like this. I’ve made some of the same realizations and it’s great to hear others say this stuff. Thanks!

    Like

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